Visiting a loved one in a nursing home can be deeply meaningful, even if they don’t fully remember the visit or engage much. These visits offer connection, comfort, and familiarity. However, they often require a bit more planning than a typical visit at home. Here’s how to make your time truly valuable, including tips for the best visit and pitfalls to avoid.

Tip 1: Plan ahead for your nursing home visit

First, it’s important to plan your visit. This includes considering activities, what to bring, the best time to visit, and the facility’s rules. You might even plan specific conversation topics. Doing so can help prevent discomfort and awkward silences. Having a plan also helps keep everyone in a good mood and ensures that things go well.

Staff members can be very helpful here, helping you work out which activities and gifts would work best for your loved one. They can also clear up any confusion about the rules and ensure everything goes smoothly.

After you’ve visited a few times, you’ll get the rhythm of the place, and things will be easier.

Tip 2: Bring meaningful gifts

Gifts can brighten a nursing home visit, but they should be meaningful and practical. You don’t want to clutter your loved one’s room with things they don’t want or need. The key is to focus on comfort, joy, or connection while being mindful of space and safety.

Food is a popular choice. Consider bringing a home-cooked meal or some treats. Check the rules here, as nursing homes vary in their restrictions on bringing outside food.

Here are some other options:

• Engaging gifts, like hobby materials, books, puzzle books, or craft projects.
• Comfort items, including blankets, fuzzy socks, pillows, and new sheets.
• Old photos, scrapbooks, and photo albums. These also provide something to connect over.
• Fresh flowers, if the facility allows them.
• Personal care items, like soap and lotions.

The following gift items should be avoided in most situations:

• Electric blankets, coffeemakers, heating pads, and other powered gifts, which can all pose significant safety risks.
• Large items, as your loved one likely doesn’t have enough space and they could become trip hazards.
• Expensive items that may get misplaced.
• Large amounts of food.
• Candles and other flammable materials.
• Sharp objects.
• Anything else that places the senior at risk.

Tip 3: Engage in shared activities

Activities make nursing home visits more enjoyable and keep them from getting repetitive. Here are some activities you can do together:

• Go for a walk or sit outside.
• Join your loved one for meals or scheduled activities (if the facility allows it).
• Watch a TV show or a movie.
• Listen to music or have a sing-along.
• Reminisce with family photos or music from their youth.
• Give them a hand massage or polish their nails.
• Share a scrapbook or photo album.

Can nursing home residents leave for the day?

Yes, nursing home residents can leave for a few hours or days, often to visit family or attend events. However, these visits need to be carefully arranged to ensure the senior stays healthy and well cared for. Planning ahead helps avoid last-minute complications and ensures a smoother, safer experience for everyone

Start by checking with their doctor to confirm it’s safe. Then, speak with the nursing staff well in advance. They’ll explain the facility’s policies, how much notice they need, and any time limits on outings.

If your loved one takes medications throughout the day, staff can often accommodate the schedule, but they may suggest a specific time window that works best.

Tip 4: Focus on the positive, but be genuine

Bringing a warm, cheerful presence can help lift your loved one’s spirits. A smile, a laugh, or simply a calm and caring tone can make a difference.

It is also important to be authentic, especially when many emotions are involved. Being honest and emotionally available is more valuable than pretending everything is fine. Still, try to focus on connection, not fixing everything.

Tip 5: Be realistic about emotions

Nursing home visits can be difficult. You might feel guilt, grief, frustration, or helplessness, especially if your loved one is unhappy about being there or doesn’t understand why they’re in care. They may be resentful, sad, distant, or unresponsive. The experience can be especially painful if your loved one doesn’t want to be in the facility or blames you for their placement.

Even if you’re not always received well, visiting can make a huge difference to your loved one’s quality of life and mental health. Know that it really is worth making the effort.

Tip 6: Be sensitive to their needs

Visiting a loved one is much more about them than you, so it’s important to pay attention to their needs and responses.

• If they seem tired or stressed, you may need to leave early.
• Time your visit so you’re not interrupting their sleep or activities.
• Choose activities and conversation topics they enjoy.
• Follow their needs as much as possible.
• Be gentle and patient, especially around seniors with dementia.
• Ask about how they’re doing, and engage with their responses.

Some people won’t tell you if they’re uncomfortable or stressed, so you may need to look for clues in their body language.

Tip 7: Respect the nursing home’s rules and staff

Nursing home staff work hard to ensure that all residents are safe and well cared for. You can make things easier by respecting the rules and general etiquette of the environment.

Do:

• Check in whenever you’re unsure about the rules or expectations.
• Keep your voice low in common areas.
• Be respectful of staff and other residents.
• Ask staff about the best ways to support them and your loved one.

Don’t:

• Invade the privacy of residents.
• Complain about everything. Think realistically about needs versus wants before making complaints. After all, staff are caring for many residents, and things won’t ever be perfect.
• Disrupt the peace by arguing or bringing in rowdy children.
• Order staff members around.
• Break the rules, like by sneaking in food that isn’t allowed or ignoring visiting hours.
• Bring large groups of friends and family, as too many people can overwhelm residents.
• Visit when you’re sick.

Other considerations for nursing home visits

Here are a few other items to consider when visiting a loved one in a nursing home.

How often to visit a parent in a nursing home

Ideally, you should visit loved ones as often as possible on a regular basis. The visits don’t need to be long, as even short ones are powerful. Of course, every family situation is different.

The best timing will be influenced by your loved one’s needs, your relationship, and your own situation. Still, life is complex, and there’s no need to feel guilty if you can’t get there as often as you might like. Visits are always valuable, regardless of frequency.  

If you have a large family, you might be able to organize a schedule to ensure that someone visits regularly, even if it isn’t always the same person.

Can you bring pets to a nursing home?

Some nursing homes allow you to bring pets, but many don’t.

Even if the nursing home is pet-friendly, there may be extra criteria, like:

• Restrictions on the type of pet, breed, and size.
• Required obedience training.
• Completing a written application process.
• Vaccination and health certifications.

Every nursing home visit matters

Visiting a loved one in a nursing home takes a little extra thought and sensitivity, but it is always worth the effort. With some planning, meaningful activities, and an open heart, you can create visits that bring joy, comfort, and a sense of connection. Even short or imperfect visits matter more than you may realize. By focusing on your loved one’s needs, respecting the facility’s rules, and embracing both the good moments and the hard ones, you can help make their days brighter and strengthen the bond you share.