When a loved one moves into memory care, especially a parent, it can be difficult to know how to stay connected. Dementia changes how your parent communicates and reacts, but meaningful connection is still possible. Your presence matters, and even simple activities can provide comfort and reassurance. 

Here are some activities that can help you stay connected with your parent in memory care. Keep in mind that finding ways to connect takes creativity and flexibility. Some ideas may work, and others may not. Adjust them as you need to, matching them to your parent’s preferences and abilities.

Listen to music together

Music is a powerful way to connect, especially with someone who has dementia. It can bring back familiar memories and emotions, even when words are hard to find.

Here are some tips for using music to connect with your parent in memory care:

• Make a playlist of their favorite songs from their youth.
• Use your phone, or bring a Bluetooth speaker or CD player to their room.
• Use headphones if they’re sensitive to noise.
• Watch for signs of enjoyment like humming, smiling, or tapping.

Why it matters:

Music reaches parts of the brain that are often less affected by dementia. It can lift mood and help your parent feel more grounded and calm, allowing for connection and reminiscing.

Play simple games or do puzzles

Games and puzzles can offer a shared activity that’s both engaging and enjoyable. Keep the difficulty level low, and adapt to how your parent is feeling that day.

Here are a few ideas to try:

• Card games like Go Fish or Uno.
• Large-piece puzzles with familiar images.
• Matching or sorting games.

Why it matters:

These activities offer structure and a shared sense of accomplishment. They can create quiet moments of connection with your parent in memory care, even if conversation is limited.

Enjoy nature and outdoor time

Fresh air and a change of scenery can bring calm and connection to you and your parent. Being outdoors has substantial benefits for people with dementia. 

Some examples of outdoor activities you can enjoy together include:

• Going to a park.
• Gardening.
• Birdwatching.
• Having a picnic.
• Sitting together in your parent’s memory care facility’s garden or courtyard.
• Taking a short walk on a safe path.

If needed, ask for assistance from your parent’s memory care facility staff, and ensure that your parent is dressed appropriately for the weather.

Why it matters:

Nature taps into ease and calm, helping both of you feel less tense. This calm can help you feel connected, even when sitting in silence together.

Try gentle movement

Light physical activity can offer opportunities for connection and physical and emotional benefits, even if your parent has mobility challenges.

Here are some suggestions for connecting through movement:

• Take a short walk indoors or in the courtyard of your parent’s memory care facility.
• Do seated exercises.
• Dance, sway, or clap to music.
• Do gentle stretching and breathing.

Why it matters:

Movement can lift mood and create a nonverbal way to connect. Your parent may respond to rhythm and motion even if verbal communication is limited.

Make simple art together

Creating art is a relaxing, low-pressure way to spend time together. Many memory care communities offer arts and crafts activities, but you can also bring your own supplies.

Easy art ideas include:

• Watercolor painting or coloring with crayons.
• Making collages with old magazines or photos.
• Shaping clay or playdough.

Why it matters:

Art doesn’t require words and allows emotional expression. Working on a project together can foster connection and a shared sense of purpose.

Take a short outing away from your parent’s memory care facility

Leaving your parent’s memory care facility for a short outing can be a refreshing change and make time for you to connect with your parent. However, be mindful that going out can be confusing and tiring, so adapt your activities to what your parent can tolerate. Don’t hesitate to return to the community early. Leaving the facility might not be appropriate for every phase of dementia.

You might:

• Share dessert at a quiet café.
• Drive through a familiar neighborhood or past favorite spots.
• Visit a museum with calm lighting and simple exhibits.

If leaving the building isn’t possible, consider having a treat together in a common area or near a window with a nice view.

Why it matters:

A brief outing in a familiar setting can help maintain a sense of continuity. Familiarity in a different place can bring you together without the stress of a long outing.

Reminisce with photos and videos

Looking through old family photos or watching home videos with your parent in memory care can spark memories and create shared emotional moments, even if your parent doesn’t recall every detail. Research shows that reminiscing has beneficial effects on mood, quality of life, and cognitive functioning for people with dementia.

You might:

• Bring a small photo album or scrapbook.
• Watch short video clips of family events.
• Share your own memories and ask gentle questions.

Why it matters:

Reminiscing can improve mood and offer emotional connection. It provides an opportunity to share memories and emotions. Although your parents may forget names or places, the feelings tied to memories often remain.

Involve other family members

Family visits to memory care can be beneficial regardless of your parent’s stage of dementia. However, noise and crowds may be too overstimulating. Monitor how your parent responds, and if they become anxious or fatigued, end the visit.

Tips for involving others include:

• Planning visits during the time of day when your parent is most alert.
• Limiting visits to one or two people at a time.
• Keeping visits short.
• Using video calls to contact relatives.
• Sharing recent family photos or messages.

Why it matters:

A parent in memory care may feel isolated from family routines. It can be disruptive to leave a familiar home and surroundings. Although visits don’t replace what is lost, they can help your parent feel less alone, more valued, and more connected to you and other family members.

Use comforting sensory activities

Sensory experiences like touch, smell, and taste can soothe and comfort someone with dementia. Participating in those together can reconnect the two of you emotionally through memories and familiar routines, providing a sense of security and comfort.

Here are some ideas to try:

• Give your parent a hand massage with scented lotion.
• Bring familiar fabrics like a favorite scarf or blanket for them to touch.
• Bring baked goods from home if the memory care facility allows it.
• Let them smell flowers or scented oils.
• Have them sort items like soft towels or photos.
  

Why it matters:

Your parent in memory care may no longer engage in many familiar tasks, but sensory activities offer gentle comfort and a sense of normalcy while you spend quiet time together.

Create simple holiday traditions

Holidays can be challenging and bittersweet when a parent is in memory care. Familiar traditions are upended, and you may need to adjust expectations so your parent is included. Bringing them home during the holidays may be too confusing if they have more advanced dementia. However, you can still share moments of celebration in ways that fit their new environment.

Here are a few suggestions for connecting through holiday celebrations:

• Decorate their room.
• Share favorite treats.
• Listen to holiday music.
• Attend memory care community events together.
• Help them wrap a small gift for someone.
• Ask the facility if you can reserve a private room for a holiday meal or family get-together.

Why it matters:

Traditions provide comfort and a sense of family closeness. Celebrating together, even in a small way, helps your parent in memory care feel connected to loved ones and what’s familiar.

Connecting with your parent in memory care is possible and important

Dementia changes how your parent interacts and how you respond. Every shared moment, however small, matters. Pay attention to how they respond. You don’t have to fix everything. Just being there, adapting, and sharing time together may be the most comforting gift.